"The first time I sang in the church choir..." #funny #quote

"The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion" quote Fred Allen

"If at first you don't succeed..." #funny #quote

"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving" quote Henny Youngman

"I don't need you to remind me of my age..." #funny #quote

"I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me" quote Stephen Fry

"When I eventually met Mr. Right..." #funny #quote

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always" quote Rita Rudner

"A stockbroker urged me..." #funny #quote

"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'" quote Claude Pepper

"A successful man is one..." #funny #quote

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman in one who can find such a man" quote Lana Turner

"A woman's mind..." #funny #quote

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” #quote Oliver Herford

"Behind every great man..." #funny #quote

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” quote Jim Carrey

"This is not coincidence..." #funny #quote

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” #funny #quote by Erma Bombeck

"It is better to remain silent...

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." #quote Mark Twain

"Age is an issue of mind over matter...

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” #quote Mark Twain